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It seemed so immoral. But then I learnt that one of my dates — a handsome year-old energy trader — paid all the other girls he went out with for the evening. Of course, the fat, balding ones still went into the delete bin, but many were perfectly dateable. As promised, I went straight home after coffee with an envelope of cash and never saw him again.
Then I accepted a trip to New York with a fortysomething Canadian property investor. All I clung to for security was faith in my own judgment of character following a few Skype chats and one trusted friend to whom I had sent his details. At his insistence, I travelled first class. Thankfully he was as good-looking and interesting in the flesh as he was on my computer screen, and we spent two wonderful days together.
He took me to Prada and bought so much that I had to buy another suitcase. Even then, the idea of taking cash felt so irksome to both parties that we did it in the form of a monthly loaded store card from Selfridges.
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He was a hedge-fund manager in the City and physically attractive, but a ski trip to Colorado put me off him for good. He had an obsessive attention to detail and would plan every event to the second. I would have 15 missed calls on my phone if I was so much as five minutes late for our meeting. After several dates over four months, I vowed never to see him again.
I had two more sugar daddies after him. We became so close that after six months, our cash arrangement felt inappropriate and we stopped seeing each other. He remains a friend today. Then there was an unhappily married alcoholic banker from New York who, on orders of his therapist, had given up drink on home soil, but when abroad allowed himself the luxury of intravenous Martinis.
We never had sex; he drank too much for that.
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They kept trying to fix me up with people, thinking that would make me happy. But after three years on these dating sites, I stopped. I realised that my motivations had slowly shifted to monetary gain. The thrill of a date with an older, wiser, higher-flying executive had faded.
The allowances and gifts, which were once a happy bonus of my adventures, had become my main motivation. I had also become closed to the idea of ever having a real, loving or lasting relationship. Far from my experiences being demoralising, I found the opposite to be true. When a man whom you yourself have chosen to date pays you for your company, it is hard not to get arrogant. Relationships must be time-consuming chores if they are worthy of compensation.
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I stopped visiting such sites more than two years ago, but remained resistant to the idea of a conventional committed relationship. It is only recently that I have allowed myself to feel serious about someone. I am glad that the rewards I get now from my relationship are genuine love and affection, instead of brown envelopes and Prada shopping trips.
But I still believe sugar daddy dating sites serve a purpose. They offer a model of a modern relationship where two adults can have an honest, respectful, enjoyable non-committal relationship.
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It is the women who exploit these sites when they join specifically for monetary gain. If women used them, as I did, because they find the idea of meeting someone older and wiser a glamorous notion, then these sites work well.
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But, as word spreads and their popularity grows, the women on them seem happy to manipulate hearts to put themselves through university or acquire a new pair of Jimmy Choos. The men I met genuinely wanted a girlfriend figure but were too busy to sustain the real thing.
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